Tuesday, April 21, 2015

I Did It

I have to admit after last night's repast
That I was the one who passed the last gas.
I couldn't admit when someone had asked
"Who was? Who did it? Who passed all that gas?
Someone ate something that made that stink last! 
So stand up and tell us! Who passed all that that gas!"
Before I could buck up and confess the deed fast,
I chickened out and sadly the moment was past.
So I am admitting and thus standing fast, 
that yes, it was I who passed the last gas.

Monday, March 9, 2015

Shiny Me

You think I am flakey
You think I'm a ditz
You think that it helps when you say
"Make a list."
I wish I could show you 
What goes on in my mind.
Maybe if you got it
You be much more kind.
It's not that I can't pay attention to you
It's that I pay attention to much
To things within view
And things that I hear
And things that I feel 
Which seem insignificant to you
But make my brain reel.
I want not to react to noises and touch
But the distraction it causes
Is sometimes too much.
How do I explain the stress it does cause
Or the picture my mind creates and then draws
Of the roof or the cat or the pen or the bean
Or the rice and the swing or the fork or the stream?
Try like I might to stay right on task
My mind has other things in which to bask.
In the warmth or the sting or feel of my skirt
Or the burning I feel of the tag in my shirt.
My socks are too tight 
And my hair makes me tickle 
What's for supper tonight?
Cheeseburgers and a pickle?
Please try not to judge 
I have gifts I can use
For our mutual benefit
If you don't refuse.
I am love and I'm light
Full of ideas and trust
Just give me a chance
Roll your eyes if you must
But when you see what I offer
You will amazed
Hyper thoughtful I am,
Not scattered and dazed.
I long to contribute
But often can't find a way
But if you give me some time,
And my thoughts I'll convey
So you'll finally know
There's a person within
Who just needs a chance
So that she'll finally fit in.


So, here I am at work today.  I needed to search for a file called PO. It is a purchase order form that I use to bill people.  So I type PO in the search box and low and behold a word document called Poop shows up. It is only out of morbid curiosity that I timidly right click properties.  Sure enough, it was a document I wrote back in July of 2011.  Why?  Not sure... So, at the risk of further humiliating myself, I thought I'd share it with all the people who don't read this blog.

July 5, 2011

Oh, falling down a shame spiral on this Tuesday after throwing caution to the wind and indulging in some much needed carbs L  Not only did it probably set me back a few diet-days, but I feel like absolute crap.  I am all sludgy and  pudgy, and feel like ralfing.

Therefore, today, my shame spiral has made me schizophrenic and I am morphing into five of the dwarfs: Sleepy (didn't get home 'til 1am…boo, alarm clock, boo), Sneezy (allergies or just allergic to work…jury is still out), Grumpy (for blowing my new diet habits), Happy (that my diet is regaining its momentum today!) and Weirdo (the 8th dwarf that was cut due to creative differences) because I am just plain weird. 

Whether it is that floppy weather strip thingy flopping around my windshield that distracts me from driving or my unorganized way of multi-tasking…I am just plain weird!  I have to go to the grocery store alone tonight, and grocery stores make me pit out.  I get all sweaty and nervous and usually have to come home right after to take a nervous poop.  (Nervous poop = sudden explosive diarrhea brought on by a stressful situation.)   When I am not on a cheese-free diet and have to order lunch meat and cheese, I just smile at the deli guy and say, I want a pound of roast beef with matching cheese (insert photo of ridiculous smile here). When I order regular meat meat, I have to use my hands to describe how much or tell them "enough for five people."  Fareway is really great at not making me feel like a complete douche bag. The meat counter can be very scary to this poor little lost soul.  But alas, tonight I will venture out with an extra layer of deodorant on and some "depends" incase my nervous poop fires off before I get home.  If it does, I'll just go stand in the dog food isle.  Wish me luck!

Sunday, February 22, 2015


I don't want to bend 
And I don't want to break
I don't want to be real
But I don't want to fake
The things that I think 
And the things that I feel.
If I am not honest, 
Then I am not real.
What is the balance 
Between truth and tact?
Do I have to lie 
Versus stating a fact?
You ask my opinion and 
I give you my view,
The look In Your eyes
Tells me this is something new.
Haven't you had someone in your life,
Give it to you straight
Even if it cuts like a knife?
I guess I'm that one
Whose true words made you cry,
But your heart I so cherish
That I couldn't lie.